Insecurity

The wait is endless and it is ripping me apart. Everybody says that I can’t. But god only knows whether I could or not. I just don’t want to fail. What if i?

I will be broken which ideally shouldn’t be the case. I should be strong enough to face it. Damn, why did I take it first of all? I knew it will be a hard fought battle. But eventually, I was obsessed with the idea. I simply loved it. I definitely don’t want to lose it at any cost. Am I just being confident or overconfident? There are few people who are consoling me telling that it’s to fail there is always next time which fairly makes sense.

But it’s not as easy as said. It will undermine my self confidence. It was the risk which I knew will have hard bargains. The past six months has been very tough. The journey wasn’t easy tough with constant speed breakers but when it has come to an end will I see light at the end of tunnel or be lost in the darkness. of course, I have few back plans which I had planned earlier only fearing for the worst. But will I be strong enough to face the worst is a million dollar question. Hope I sail through the toughest time of my life. I had once said, only when you fall, u will rise!!!!. But if I fall now, it will be a disastrous downfall

Deadly translation :-)

Hi folks, here comes my brand new post….oh there is buzzing rumors that am jobless again…..well, you can have your say!!….I tried my hand at writing poems and failed miserably  Jesus Christ, disastr-ous!!!!

I will not be posting any of my poems. But, that’s not the reason for u all to be happy. I will be translat-ing a Kannada movie song. That sounds exciting isn’t it?
One fine day in office, artifactory was down. That was a reason in disguise for us to while away time. One of my team mate pings and seeks my help. Me being generous at heart agreed to help her at my behest. The real challenge was to translate a famous Kannada song. If you think so that indeed it’s a cheap song with a lingo of that of the local crowd. At least for the listener’s mercy, the song is musical with enchanting lyrics. Apparently, it’s a song from the movie “Savari” which goes like this “Marali ma-reyaagi terali tereyaagi”

Any piece of work that has been translated for it to be appreciated by the crowd requires authors’ sound knowledge about both the languages. You are left wondering how I fit into this paradigm. So am I. Any ways, I haven’t used Kannada to English translator in spite of me designated as a software engineer. Not that am dumb, it’s an attempt to increase the fun quotient with bizarre skills. In case you have better translations. Keep me posted. Deep regrets, sorry for killing your time ;-)

Marali mareyaagi terali tereyaagi
Manada dadakeega badidu…olavu…sihisavi kavana…
Marali mareyaagi tarali tangaali ommi hosataada harusha…haravu
Hasi khushi kavana kanasani nee naanasagisi…
Kalarava nee pasarisi…nee Eniyani prithege sarathi

Marali mareyaagi terali tereyaagi
Manada dadakeega badidu…olavu…sihisavi kavana…

Ringana hosatana…tanuva Ee narthana
Tingala belagana kande Ee sanjenaa…
Daregilida bimbave nee…Vismayada kiranave nee…
Nanna kanasugala teelaadi kuniyuthide…
Nee Eniyanee…prithige sarathi

Marali mareyaagi terali tereyaagi
Manada dadakeega badidu…olavu…sihisavi kavana…

Bellada paakave nalla ninnolumeeye…
Nillada tavakave bhavya sammilanake..
Agasake rangerachi…bannadali bava ginugi..
Nalla chandirana mella keeli muridirisu
Nee Eniyane… prithege sarathi

Marali mareyaagi terali tereyaagi
Manada dadakeega badidu…olavu…sihisavi kavana…

Here it goes the real fun……………..

Again disappeared, appeared as a screen
Hit the shore of my heart….love…..sweet dreams…..
Again disappeared, appeared as a breeze, ********(don’t know)
Raw, happy poem….make the dreams come true….
Ease down my discomfort….you my darling , you are the charioteer of love

Again disappeared, appeared as a screen
Hit the shore of my heart….love…..sweet dreams…..
Crawling and new…. Dance of the body…
This evening, I saw the twilight
Came down to earth as its shadow……. You are Ecstasy’s sunrays…….
My dreams are floating and dancing
You my darling , you are the charioteer of love

Your love is sweet as Jaggery
Unstoppable desire for the excellent gets together
Spread colors in the sky, gave expression to colors
****************(don’t know)
You my darling , you are the charioteer of love
Again disappeared, appeared as a screen
Hit the shore of my heart….love…..sweet dreams…..

Just a thought

Hi,
I started blogging very recently. Let me be frank, I am quite jobless.I am utilizing my time rather fruitfully. Dear readers, what can you expect out of this blog post???? I can assure you one thing, nothing informative!!! . I am writing this post for fun and creative satisfaction. You can read this post for time pass. Keep your expectations low to avoid disappointment. Conditions applied!!!!

A few years back, I was in my class eight studying in St Mary’s girls’ school. Here comes my class teacher Sr. Judith. Her stay with us is guaranteed for another three years.

Hoping for the best, her first encounter with us is as follows: we were asked to recite prayers every hour. This was part of my school culture. She caught hold of few girls (Catholics) for not reciting them and started her gyaan. This was her first show off of authority.

I did not have personal liking for my class teacher. There were many reasons to support this. She being a nun, I expected her to be unbiased. But, she totally disappointed me. I firmly believed in a school environment, there should not be any talk of religion, caste and class.

Disclaimer: I will be quoting few things that could be offending. This is not an attempt to put my school in bad light. The below stated facts were opinions of a particular individual. So, the school should not be held responsible.

A friend cum classmate of mine was on leave, she had been to church to offer, as part of a religious ceremony. She was back to school with a leave note. Sr.Judith says to the girl,” your father is a drunkard. Your mother is a drunkard. If I had been drunk last night, I would still do my work on time”.I found these remarks seriously derogatory. To add to this I have another instance, “I wish you were raised by your mother”. Sister said these lines to a girl who was from a broken family.

I was disturbed. I wanted to speak but I was too young for it. I narrated these stories to my dad. He advised me that I was not up there for a community service. So, I should be minding my business. Unlike, my rest of my class mates I was not involved in the act of buttering her. I was cold towards her. I did not like her. She knew it. But, as a matter of fact we never had any arguments.

Here comes assessing my performance. I was never consistent in my performance. I was an average student who scored rank in the range 1- 10. When, my performance was plotted as a graph. The result would be a triangular wave with consistent rise and fall J . The credit goes to Sr. Judith

When ever, I scored less.She would ask me to stand up in the class and made a hue and cry out of it. She would accuse me of not being sincere and dedicated in my studies. In reality, her advice never bothered me. I had my own way. Just to prove her wrong, I would work hard the next time to score better. Once proved, I did not find a necessity to score good marks again. Thus, there was a steep in the graph and this continued!!!! ………………………………………

HIGHLIGHTS: PARENTS MEETING
“Mother India”. Hey, am referring to my mom. She is a sweet heart. She never pressurized me to perform. She is “cool” types
Scene 1: Sr. Judith hands over the progress report to my mom. I had secured a decent score. The next minute, out of excitement, my mom hugs and kisses me.
Scene 2: the following year, same cast and crew with slight change in the scene. Yes, you guessed it right. Drawing inspiration out of my previous year score, I fared bad in my exams. Sr expected some change in my mum’s reaction. To her surprise, he again hugs and kisses me. Unlike others, she did not complain about my marks. That really irritated her. Both of us happily walk out of office.

My class ten results were out. My class teacher never counted on me. She had personal favorites. She thought one among them would be the topper. I being a reluctant person did not even bother to check my results out. As usual, I was in the canteen buying at least five packets of yummies. My dad already found out the results and informed the score. I did not even cross check it. Satisfied with the score, I left the school. After a week, my friend gave me a call telling that I indeed was the topper of the class. My reaction was, “is it???? I didn’t know.”

I did have beautiful memories of my school. My school is located in Miller’s road surrounded by big trees on either side of the road. I being a tiny creature, and very erratic in nature was never part of the school team. We played a game by name “GALLERY” known only to ours girls. I feel proud to say that I was a champion in it. Rules were meant to be broken. I remember the days being chased my PT madam, pull your skirt down girl, and roll up your socks. No loose hair, tie it a bun. While, I was waiting for my cab to drop me back home. I explored few places near by my school. “PALACE GROUNDS”, where we get to see B grade Kannada actors. We saw prakash raj and found him quite appealing. Deserted glass house where we played hide and seek. Perpendicular to miller’s road is a by pass, there located a beautiful church. The church is filled with serenity. It is a lost paradise on earth

The intention of writing this post is to throw light on abuse of power. Teacher has the responsibility to discipline us. But, let’s not indulge in personal attacks. Let’s not cross over the limit of decency. “Being fair and just”, is the underlying rule of a civilized society. Let’s be civilized.

I would like to pay my respect to our beloved principal Sr.Sushma who lost her life fighting cancer. Let her soul rest in peace.